I was out, part deux

So after that whole spiel about riding my bike, I had actually kind of decided to go do it. What happened? The school called about my older kid, which resulted in a 1/2 hour conversation with the principal with a whole lotta "I don't know" and "Yeah...I don't know either." And then a whole lotta "We'll talk to the psychologist about it in a couple weeks when we see him" and "Yes, I'll add that to the list to talk to Dr. B about when we see him."

By the time the conversation was over, it was too late to go out for a ride. Maybe tomorrow.

I'm feeling sad for my kid. I know, I know...shake it off and toughen up. This is life and that's the way it is so suck it up.

To that I say: foxtrot oscar.

I'm allowed to feel sad for my kid. He's 8. I can't imagine him going through his whole life like this.

So anyway, I'm off to cry for a bit, then make dinner. Maybe some jewelry later.

I was out.

Do you know what that means? Here's a hint. I was out = I spent money in Jodeyspeak.

You're saying to yourself that you know I spent money on only things we need, not on things we want.

YOU would be wrong. I don't NEED the beading shit I got today. I wanted it. Ok, we did need some food for the kidlets to eat, so the $100+ I spent at Trader Joe's is ok...course it wasn't all for them, but whatever. We all have to eat. Even us fat chicks.

Speaking of which: All the way home from TJ's I was thinking I'd take a bike ride before I get the kids from school. For some reason, I just don't think that's gonna happen. I walked inside, got a bagel and cream cheese out of the bags I just purchased at TJ's and started eating lunch while putting groceries away. Now I'm all full of bagels and don't want to do anything but sit on my fat ass and make jewelry.

Granted, I need to make jewelry...but I also need to exercise. It's really quite annoying. I LOVE riding my bike, but for whatever reason, I've started thinking of it as exercise instead of joy. I hate exercise. It sucks. But I love riding my bike. So why is my brain doing this?

Maybe I should just tell my brain to STFU and go ride.

Argh. I hate fighting with myself. Especially over something I'll feel guilty if I don't do.

Ah well...gotta go put the cream cheese away. :D

Well it's about damn time

Fer reals peeps. I finally got my big ass out on my bike today. 5 miles. Mile 1 was hard, mile 2 better, miles 3 and 4 even better and mile 5 was back to hard cuz I was getting tired.

BUT...it needed to be done. And hopefully I will get out and ride more often. I can feel the weight creeping up, and god knows I don't need anymore of that. I've got enough, thank you very much.

So yay for me for getting out there and doing it, despite the chilly weather this morning. :D

All of a sudden I feel like riding my bike...

but I can't. Cuz the kids are tracked out for the next 3 weeks.

I'm sure this sudden desire has to do with 1)not being able to; and 2)the gorgeous 70+ degree day we had today...and seeing all the roadies out enjoying the beauty.

I may drag the kids on a few short bike rides over track out.

Hubs doesn't get home early enough for me to ride while he watches kids in the afternoon now that the sun sets so damn early. Fucking winter.

I don't have lights and don't have money for them anyway, so that's out.

So the positive part is that while I may not be able to ride *exactly* as I *want* to, I can still ride. The kids can probably go a mile or 2 a day. It's something, right?

Shit.

I haven't ridden in over a month...I've barely looked at the bike. I've been so busy doing other things - jewelry, house, kids, etc - that the bike took a back burner position.

I decided this morning I would ride. Trails at Harris are closed due to wet conditions, so around the neighborhood I went. Fuckin' 2 miles before I was toast. TWO FUCKING MILES! I guess I shouldn't expect to be able to ride a normal 10 mile ride if I haven't ridden in over a month...but 2 miles? Jesus. That's just embarrassing.

And the funny part is that it wasn't my legs that made me quit. They were fine and probably could have gone another few miles. It was the pain in my side that made me stop.

Oh well...I'll just have to get back to that level by riding more. I can do it...and even though this ride was pretty much not fun, on some level it was still enjoyable.

Purely Frustrated

So Delia and I were supposed to ride Harris today. I emailed her last night to let her know I probably wasn't going to be able to make it because I was feeling crappy and thought Aunt Flo was gonna make her monthly appearance. Well Aunt Flo failed to show...the bitch. (ETA...I take that last sentence back. :P)

So I could have ridden.

However, I had forgotten that my older kid had early release from prison (school) today, at 12:45p. So it would have been tight riding and then picking him up on time.

But I still could have ridden.

So I go to pick up M and we get home and I mention to him that we could go take a bike ride on the American Tobacco Trail. The minute I say it, I regret it. I don't feel like driving 35 minutes to bike 2 or 3 miles with him (cuz that's as far as he can go), but he freaks when I tell him let's just go to Harris or around the neighborhood. So we drive ALL THE WAY OUT to the ATT only to find a fucking TREE has fallen across the road about 2 or so miles from the trail head. So I turn around and try to find my way around it and end up in Apex proper. No way we're riding the ATT today. He begs to go ride at Harris, I say ok and off we go.

I'm an idiot and really good at getting lost, and that's just what I did. I took New Hill road off 55 thinking I knew how to get to Harris and ended up in Chatham County. Apparently I was wrong. We finally find a way back to 1N, take it to the exit for New Hill and find Harris. Well guess what? The fucking trails are CLOSED. CLOSED!!!!! I called to double check and she said the trails were a bit wet and since there's a night ride tomorrow they want to make sure they are dry for it.

So an hour plus of driving for NOTHING.

So I Suck

Yep. It's true. I haven't ridden anything in about a week. Not sure what my deal is, though I know part of it is that the weather last week wasn't all that cooperative. This week is over unless I go ride at the gym tomorrow.

Isn't it amazing how time flies when you aren't paying attention?

I know part of it is this stupid fucking medicine that I have to take - it takes away the hyper part of me...the me I know as me and makes me not want to do much. I'm hoping that with some positive thinking exercises, a little more anti-depressant and a swift kick in the ass from someone, I'll be back out there riding Gustav on the wild trails of Harris. LOL The doctor and my therapist have all but promised to get me back to me...it just takes time. Soon, I hope.

Heat Wave!

I don't know about the rest of the country...ok, I do know, I'm just sayin'....but we had a heat wave here in Fuquay Varina. It was in the high 60s/low 70s today! Nice and breezy...perfect day to ride. So I did. And dayum folks! I needed it.

I only rode a couple - few miles (remember I AM fat AND out of shape :P) into downtown Varina, but it felt great, especially the ride home. There was a horrid headwind on my way into town and I didn't think I was going to make it up a couple of the inclined areas, but I DID IT because I told myself I was going to do it and tough shit otherwise.

I took a couple breaks because I had the camera with me...and here are a few of the pics. A couple are actually from yesterday when I drove the truck up to grab some pics of the beautiful graffiti on the boxcars, but otherwise they are from my ride today.

Boxcar Graffiti from yesterday:


This one cracked me up:


Open door graffiti:


From today:
3 Country Buildings


3 Country Buildings from a different angle


Power Pole

Good grief!

It's been at least a month since I've ridden consistently. That is just not cool AT ALL. The older kid has been tracked out for a month...went back last week to school and I haven't been to the gym OR hit the trails.

I'm feeling scattered...I may just hit the gym tomorrow instead of going to the trails, but I'll see. If I do anything outdoors, it will be a few loops at Harris on the beginner trail. I need to build myself back up to where I was. For some reason, I seem to have gained some fear again. Sigh. I can do this...I can do this...I WILL do this.

I can tell it's screwing with me - my moods aren't as high, I'm more apt to be upset about stupid shit, I've gained weight (and god knows THAT'S not needed)...just all around not feeling good about me. So the exercise will help! Yay exercise! (It's usually Yay Pills!)

Biking Mojo

I might have gotten a little teensy, weensy, tiny piece of my biking mojo back. The FCB Mojo Meter is at about 1 out of 10...ok, maybe 1.25.

I rode Harris yesterday and Jesus Christ was I tired. Just 2 laps on the beginner trail and I was wiped. Guess almost 2 weeks of no real riding will zap the endurance. Well, that and some medication that is totally whacked. I thought I loved the abilify...not so anymore, folks. Not so at all. In fact I wrote my shrink this morning telling her I want OFF of that shit b/c I want my energy back, among other things. That med, not riding and being sick are the things that have really reduced my endurance. I'm hoping that I will find that if she takes me off it and puts me on something else, I will regain what I have lost...at least a little.

Anyway, enough of the meds rant...that could take fucking DAYS if I go on. So I rode 2 laps - the first lap was ok...a little slow and I stopped at the place that always freaks me out. Yanno, the place between the trees. But I did the big rooty twisty place at the end that I always psyche myself out at. Second lap was better - did both places no problem, but had to walk one little hill. Just couldn't push myself to do it.

Funny - I got to the end of the first lap and saw a red sign attached to the map thingy that's there. It said something like "Caution - it's hunting season. Although we don't allow hunting on Harris Lake County Park property, there is hunting in the surrounding areas. Please make sure you wear appropriately bright clothing while using the Park." Lovely.

Lake Crabtree and broken toe

I called Maggie this morning and asked if she would like to ride with me at Lake Crabtree today...she agreed. We got there around 12:15pm, looked up at the sky and watched the snow start to fall a little. As we got up to the trail, it started snowing in earnest...for a whole 5 minutes.

I really think I've lost my biking mojo. Maybe not having biked for 10 days and having been sick for almost 3 weeks has done something to me...but I was not "on" AT ALL today and it fucking pissed me off, pardon my language.

I can see the point some people were trying to make on a thread on Trianglemtb.com a week or so back about not riding out of your comfort level...or at least not TOO high above it. Maybe Crabtree is out of my comfort zone or maybe Maggie is right - I look at the trail and get overwhelmed instead of taking it piece by piece. I think I expect myself to be able to get out there and hammer through these things, even though in my head I know I can't and shouldn't be able to. I see all these other people who make it look so easy and I get pissed off and start feeling inadequate about my skills. So I think for a while I'm going to stick to Harris...no matter how boring it gets for me, and master it. I am going to work on my endurance, weight loss and skills. I will persevere and I will succeed...I'm just a tenacious bitch like that. :P

Ok...enough of that. NOW...let's have a pity party. I'm pretty sure I broke my 4th toe on my right foot this morning. Not only that, but I split the top of it open and it hurts like a MOFO. Not only THAT, but yesterday, the fire safe fell on the same foot, across the area right below all my toes. Waaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Sigh...no riding until Sunday

This fucking bites. No riding until this coming Sunday. Why? Firstly because my older kid is tracked out, so I have no where to put him so I can go ride. Secondly the day I could ride is the day hubs and I have a session and my neighbor across the street is watching the older one while the younger one is in preschool. Thirdly hubs will be out of town a bit this week, so again, no one to watch los kidlets. And finally, I'm SICK AS SHIT....again.

So the only day I'll be able to ride this week is Sunday. So my plan, once I feel better, is to go ride at the club...either do a spin class, which I've never done before, or my normal Expresso bike ride as a single speed on a hilly trail...10 miles.

I have high hopes that next week I'll be able to ride at least 2x during the week, like I usually do. It will just have to be at Lake Crabtree or *gasp* UMSTEAD since they are closest to where hubs works. Can you believe he works so close to them and he doesn't ride at lunch?

Anyway....we'll see.

Cross all your 2000 parts

I wanna go ride Crabtree tomorrow...but right now it, and Harris, are both closed b/c of the shitty damn weather we had the past couple days. It cleared up nicely today and so I'm hoping that dried out the majority of Crabtree...haha. We're due to meet at 10:30am, so here's to hoping. :)

If we cant ride Crab, we'll ride at Umstead...and everyone can watch me keel over from trying to ride uphills. Best get my granny gear all lubed up and ready for action, cuz she'll be gettin' some good use at Umstead tomorrow! *snicker*

Either ride will benefit me...mentally and physically. I just need to ride.

But now I just need to go to bed. :)

Later peeps.

Bah...no riding today either...

I was going to go ride at Umstead, but now I don't feel like it. The thought of going up all those hills makes me really not want to go. LOL

I need someone to say "Hey you fat lazy bitch! Get off your ass and go ride!" Ok...maybe not like that cuz then I'd get all offended and have to kick your booty. Something nicer and more respectful..."Hey you overweight woman. Going out and spinning around Umstead would greatly improve not only your overall health but also your endurance on uphill climbs. Get out there and do it girl!" Probably a better way to do it such that it does not impact your current health. :P

Instead, I'm going to clean a little, take some stuff to Goodwill and take some damn sexy pictures of myself. Woohoo! That should be fun!

No riding today

Too dangerous.

I have a new medication. Took 1/2 of a pill and it's knocked me on my big ol' ass.

It's weird. Even though I'm sad about something going on in my life, I really wanted to go ride this morning...I was even willing to ride at Crabtree. I took this medicine and it makes me kind of flat...like I can't care about things as much. I mean, I'm still sad, but there's like this barrier there that makes me not feel the sadness in the same way I would normally. But it's still too dangerous to ride...or drive for that matter. I hope this side effect wears off before I have to go and get my babies from school.

It sucks to have fucked up brain chemistry. Lemme tell ya.