Well, today is it...the end of 2008. It's been a weird year for me - physically, emotionally and mentally.
I went off my anti-depressant sometime during this past year, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, took a trip to Colorado by myself, met some really good friends, started mountain biking and did a few other things I never thought I'd do. In some ways it's been a hellish year - mostly mentally and emotionally. In many ways it's been a great year, especially physically.
I started taking pictures last October and have, I hope, gotten a whole hell of a lot better at it. I'm proud of many of my pics and may do a 2008 pic year in review later tonight.
I hope to get myself together in 2009 - make decisions about some pretty important things in my life and get happy. Supposedly, happiness comes from within...my job will be to find it. And maybe it's not happiness I'm looking for. Maybe it's satisfaction and fulfillment.
I wish you all the best in your 2009 endeavors.
Happy New Year!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Rode with Maggie today
After taking the little one to school and snoozing on and off for an hour and a half, I got my ass in gear and met Maggie at the American Tobacco Trail for a long (for me) ride. I think we got in about 6 miles - some at a good pace, some fairly slowly. We talked...a lot...and it was good. I needed to spill some of the shit in my head to someone and she has a really good way of listening and explaining things to me, along with great suggestions that I am going to try like hell to put into practice.
I didn't take my camera this time - just wanted to ride without having a reason to stop (though we stopped a few times cuz this big girl ain't used to going 6 miles in one shot) - and regretted not taking it. I haven't been out to ATT in a while and had forgotten that there were things off the trail that I've been wanting to take pics of...oh well. Next time.
It was a good ride. Good friend. Good talk. Good pedaling.
Now I just have to get my head back together enough to not let what's bothering me break my concentration on the trails at Harris...not sure I'll be able to do that, but I'm gonna try. I've actually been enjoying my time on flat surfaces - road and ATT - but it's time to get back to real trails with real dirt.
I didn't take my camera this time - just wanted to ride without having a reason to stop (though we stopped a few times cuz this big girl ain't used to going 6 miles in one shot) - and regretted not taking it. I haven't been out to ATT in a while and had forgotten that there were things off the trail that I've been wanting to take pics of...oh well. Next time.
It was a good ride. Good friend. Good talk. Good pedaling.
Now I just have to get my head back together enough to not let what's bothering me break my concentration on the trails at Harris...not sure I'll be able to do that, but I'm gonna try. I've actually been enjoying my time on flat surfaces - road and ATT - but it's time to get back to real trails with real dirt.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Went out and rode again....
...and wow am I beat! But in a good way. The kind of tired where you feel satisfied with yourself for having done something. I'm not sure how far I rode - probably only a couple miles since it was a short 20 min ride. What was funny to me is that it took me 11 minutes to get from my house to the stop sign where I had decided I was going to turn around and took me 4 minutes to get back to my neighborhood street. Downhill was fun, uphill was a challenge during which I went into total Granny gear (blushes with embarrassment). But I did it and I'm proud of myself for doing it. Oh! I also rode a little bit in my neighborhood...downhill into the neighborhood behind mine and back up that bitch of a hill to get to my house. So maybe a total of 3 miles today.
Now I need to find something to do to keep myself occupied. I find that when my mind is left to its own devices, I tend to get a little sad or anxious. So I think I'm going to clean my closet out or do a behavior plan for my kids. I also need to do tons of work on my websites...photos, layouts, etc.
Now I need to find something to do to keep myself occupied. I find that when my mind is left to its own devices, I tend to get a little sad or anxious. So I think I'm going to clean my closet out or do a behavior plan for my kids. I also need to do tons of work on my websites...photos, layouts, etc.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Heat Wave!
I don't know about the rest of the country...ok, I do know, I'm just sayin'....but we had a heat wave here in Fuquay Varina. It was in the high 60s/low 70s today! Nice and breezy...perfect day to ride. So I did. And dayum folks! I needed it.
I only rode a couple - few miles (remember I AM fat AND out of shape :P) into downtown Varina, but it felt great, especially the ride home. There was a horrid headwind on my way into town and I didn't think I was going to make it up a couple of the inclined areas, but I DID IT because I told myself I was going to do it and tough shit otherwise.
I took a couple breaks because I had the camera with me...and here are a few of the pics. A couple are actually from yesterday when I drove the truck up to grab some pics of the beautiful graffiti on the boxcars, but otherwise they are from my ride today.
Boxcar Graffiti from yesterday:
This one cracked me up:
Open door graffiti:
From today:
3 Country Buildings
3 Country Buildings from a different angle
Power Pole
I only rode a couple - few miles (remember I AM fat AND out of shape :P) into downtown Varina, but it felt great, especially the ride home. There was a horrid headwind on my way into town and I didn't think I was going to make it up a couple of the inclined areas, but I DID IT because I told myself I was going to do it and tough shit otherwise.
I took a couple breaks because I had the camera with me...and here are a few of the pics. A couple are actually from yesterday when I drove the truck up to grab some pics of the beautiful graffiti on the boxcars, but otherwise they are from my ride today.
Boxcar Graffiti from yesterday:
This one cracked me up:
Open door graffiti:
From today:
3 Country Buildings
3 Country Buildings from a different angle
Power Pole
Monday, December 22, 2008
How STUPID is FCB?
Pretty damn stupid, my friends.
My familia and I are down near Myrtle Beach, SC. I brought my bike to ride. I went to get my helmet to go ride. I DIDN'T BRING IT!! I'm so stupid! So my poor bike is sitting here...unridden. :( Poor Gustav.
Ok...but I did take a fairly nice night picture from the balcony of the condo at which we are staying. It's looking north toward Myrtle Beach.
My familia and I are down near Myrtle Beach, SC. I brought my bike to ride. I went to get my helmet to go ride. I DIDN'T BRING IT!! I'm so stupid! So my poor bike is sitting here...unridden. :( Poor Gustav.
Ok...but I did take a fairly nice night picture from the balcony of the condo at which we are staying. It's looking north toward Myrtle Beach.
Skidmarks....
Love 15 minute lunch...and I came across that one today. What I want to know is does it work for bike riding too?
"how do you tell how fast he was going by skidmark? - A difficult question. It's much easier to tell with tightie-whities since they don't bunch up as much, but as a general rule, for every quarter-inch of width, add 20mph, and for every half-inch of length add 10mph to the posted limit. This equation will give you the approximate speed he was going when he lost control of the car and shat himself."
"how do you tell how fast he was going by skidmark? - A difficult question. It's much easier to tell with tightie-whities since they don't bunch up as much, but as a general rule, for every quarter-inch of width, add 20mph, and for every half-inch of length add 10mph to the posted limit. This equation will give you the approximate speed he was going when he lost control of the car and shat himself."
Saturday, December 20, 2008
What it is
When I first started writing this blog, I had all intentions of keeping it to biking and some photography. But I've discovered that life happens too...and I'm a person who needs to share my life with other people.
I haven't been on the bike much...you can read about why in other posts. I'm dealing with some incredible depression right now - the likes of which I haven't dealt with seriously in about 7 years. I was depressed right before I tried the abilify a couple months back, but this is SO much worse. 7 years ago is when I decided I didn't want to be on this planet anymore...my life was so bleak and the hole so black, I couldn't deal. I never tried to take my own life, but that episode scared the shit out of me. It was my first foray into the realm of anti-depressants and medication for severe depression. I've gotten better since and haven't had anything near that depressive episode until now. And god damn...it SUCKS.
The things I love - photography and biking - have become like chores. All this in the blink of an eye, it seems. This depression came out of nowhere. I'm working on getting the right medication into me so this doesn't happen again, and I'm working on getting my head wrapped around the fact that being depressed and/or bipolar are life long conditions that are to be taken very seriously, as they can have life altering consequences.
Don't let me being a little nuts scare you off. I was bipolar before I told you I was...you probably thought I was a little cracked in places. You just didn't have the correct name. Now you do. Hi. My name is Jodey. ;)
I'll get back to being me soon...I can feel me trying hard to surface. It's just going to take some time. In the mean time, I'm not sure how often I'll update this blog...or maybe I will. I find writing things out to be very cathartic, and I also hope my struggles with depression/bipolar disorder, no matter what community you come from, will help people understand the struggles or help with their own struggles.
It doesn't just take a village to raise a child...it takes a village to maintain a person.
I haven't been on the bike much...you can read about why in other posts. I'm dealing with some incredible depression right now - the likes of which I haven't dealt with seriously in about 7 years. I was depressed right before I tried the abilify a couple months back, but this is SO much worse. 7 years ago is when I decided I didn't want to be on this planet anymore...my life was so bleak and the hole so black, I couldn't deal. I never tried to take my own life, but that episode scared the shit out of me. It was my first foray into the realm of anti-depressants and medication for severe depression. I've gotten better since and haven't had anything near that depressive episode until now. And god damn...it SUCKS.
The things I love - photography and biking - have become like chores. All this in the blink of an eye, it seems. This depression came out of nowhere. I'm working on getting the right medication into me so this doesn't happen again, and I'm working on getting my head wrapped around the fact that being depressed and/or bipolar are life long conditions that are to be taken very seriously, as they can have life altering consequences.
Don't let me being a little nuts scare you off. I was bipolar before I told you I was...you probably thought I was a little cracked in places. You just didn't have the correct name. Now you do. Hi. My name is Jodey. ;)
I'll get back to being me soon...I can feel me trying hard to surface. It's just going to take some time. In the mean time, I'm not sure how often I'll update this blog...or maybe I will. I find writing things out to be very cathartic, and I also hope my struggles with depression/bipolar disorder, no matter what community you come from, will help people understand the struggles or help with their own struggles.
It doesn't just take a village to raise a child...it takes a village to maintain a person.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Go me!
I rode 4 hard, hilly miles at the gym today. Could have gone further, but...didn't. Mental shit.
I'm happy to go see my shrinky-dink tomorrow to report in that my (yay!) pills aren't so yay...they don't seem to be keeping the sad cycles at bay so much. I can deal with manic cycles, it's the sad ones that I have a really hard time with. We'll see what she says tomorrow. Maybe it's time for the mighty Zoloft to come back out of the cabinet. Oy...not even going there tonight.
I'm happy to go see my shrinky-dink tomorrow to report in that my (yay!) pills aren't so yay...they don't seem to be keeping the sad cycles at bay so much. I can deal with manic cycles, it's the sad ones that I have a really hard time with. We'll see what she says tomorrow. Maybe it's time for the mighty Zoloft to come back out of the cabinet. Oy...not even going there tonight.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Good grief!
It's been at least a month since I've ridden consistently. That is just not cool AT ALL. The older kid has been tracked out for a month...went back last week to school and I haven't been to the gym OR hit the trails.
I'm feeling scattered...I may just hit the gym tomorrow instead of going to the trails, but I'll see. If I do anything outdoors, it will be a few loops at Harris on the beginner trail. I need to build myself back up to where I was. For some reason, I seem to have gained some fear again. Sigh. I can do this...I can do this...I WILL do this.
I can tell it's screwing with me - my moods aren't as high, I'm more apt to be upset about stupid shit, I've gained weight (and god knows THAT'S not needed)...just all around not feeling good about me. So the exercise will help! Yay exercise! (It's usually Yay Pills!)
I'm feeling scattered...I may just hit the gym tomorrow instead of going to the trails, but I'll see. If I do anything outdoors, it will be a few loops at Harris on the beginner trail. I need to build myself back up to where I was. For some reason, I seem to have gained some fear again. Sigh. I can do this...I can do this...I WILL do this.
I can tell it's screwing with me - my moods aren't as high, I'm more apt to be upset about stupid shit, I've gained weight (and god knows THAT'S not needed)...just all around not feeling good about me. So the exercise will help! Yay exercise! (It's usually Yay Pills!)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
One Thing Leads to Another
First off, I want to share a photo of me that I love:
Some of you may know that I make, and sell, custom designed candy wrappers...here are a few different packs of them.
Sarcasm Pack:
PMS Pack:
Happy Holidays/Snowman Pack:
Why am I showing them on my blog? Because I took pictures of them using my new homemade softbox! (Thank you Lidarman...Cheap Lighting).
Front of softbox:
How I'm lighting the softbox through a hole in the back:
Some of you may know that I make, and sell, custom designed candy wrappers...here are a few different packs of them.
Sarcasm Pack:
PMS Pack:
Happy Holidays/Snowman Pack:
Why am I showing them on my blog? Because I took pictures of them using my new homemade softbox! (Thank you Lidarman...Cheap Lighting).
Front of softbox:
How I'm lighting the softbox through a hole in the back:
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Oh how it sucks to be short
So I got those pants today from REI - the ones I was going to wear all winter to ride in...I'm TOO SHORT! There is no way I can wear the pants to ride in because they are sort of yoga pant-like on the bottom (they flare a bit, for those who don't know what yoga pants are) and pool onto the floor as they are too long.
I'm pretty pissed, actually. Such a good deal and I can't wear them. Damn.
I'm pretty pissed, actually. Such a good deal and I can't wear them. Damn.
Bikin' Broads Maintenance Skillz Clinic (Saturday Night)
Hey y'all! Sorry it's taken me so long to get this entry written...but here I am and here we gooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
We had a FANTASTIC turnout at night 1 of the Skillz Clinic put on by TORC/The Clean Machine! This was the portion of the Clinic at which the parts of the bike were sort of de-mystified for many of us...Tamara went over each part of the bike from wheel to wheel and explained its purpose in life...from presta
vs schrader 
valves, hydraulic to cable actuated disc brakes to rim brakes, high gear to easy gear and where the chain is on the cassette or front chain ring...and so much more. And then it was hands on fun time for the chicks...and hands on it was, folks! Men, if it turns you on to see a woman working on a bike, you'd a been a horn dog that night! Bikes on stands, women turning bikes onto handlebars/seats, women with tire levers, grease under their nails, fingering rear derailleurs...whew! The estrogen in the room was overpowering!!
Oh - and whoever picked out the beer and snacks - GOOD CHOICES! I can't remember the name of the beer I had, but I know it was a blueberry wheat beer and it just freakin' rocked! There was smoked gouda, brie, swiss; pears, apples, grapes; hummus and the most adorable little pitas (said like a woman, right? :P)...fantastic and classy food.
Here are some pics from that night:
And thank you mucho to my good friend, and guest for the weekend, Daniel, for taking all these wonderful photos (except the valve photos - those are photos from the interwebs). You can see the rest of them on my flickr account.
I will post part 2 - the SKILLZ part of the clinic later today.
We had a FANTASTIC turnout at night 1 of the Skillz Clinic put on by TORC/The Clean Machine! This was the portion of the Clinic at which the parts of the bike were sort of de-mystified for many of us...Tamara went over each part of the bike from wheel to wheel and explained its purpose in life...from presta
vs schrader valves, hydraulic to cable actuated disc brakes to rim brakes, high gear to easy gear and where the chain is on the cassette or front chain ring...and so much more. And then it was hands on fun time for the chicks...and hands on it was, folks! Men, if it turns you on to see a woman working on a bike, you'd a been a horn dog that night! Bikes on stands, women turning bikes onto handlebars/seats, women with tire levers, grease under their nails, fingering rear derailleurs...whew! The estrogen in the room was overpowering!!Oh - and whoever picked out the beer and snacks - GOOD CHOICES! I can't remember the name of the beer I had, but I know it was a blueberry wheat beer and it just freakin' rocked! There was smoked gouda, brie, swiss; pears, apples, grapes; hummus and the most adorable little pitas (said like a woman, right? :P)...fantastic and classy food.
Here are some pics from that night:
And thank you mucho to my good friend, and guest for the weekend, Daniel, for taking all these wonderful photos (except the valve photos - those are photos from the interwebs). You can see the rest of them on my flickr account.
I will post part 2 - the SKILLZ part of the clinic later today.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Oh REI...how could you?
How could you have 50% off in your outlet section then an additional 20% coupon for me to use? You forced me...coerced me...twisted my poor wittle arm and MADE me buy those Moving Comfort No Chill Hybrid Pants for only $24 plus shipping and tax. REI should hang its head in shame for putting out such a good deal that I, Fat Chick Biker, could not resist purchasing them.
They have lots of other good deals, but nothing else I need. I looked at Keen's and Camelbak's, but they didn't have what I wanted.
Hopefully these pants will fit and my ass won't be cold this winter while riding Gustav around them thar woods. :)
They have lots of other good deals, but nothing else I need. I looked at Keen's and Camelbak's, but they didn't have what I wanted.
Hopefully these pants will fit and my ass won't be cold this winter while riding Gustav around them thar woods. :)
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
My kid is so cool!
My older son, M, learned how to ride a 2 wheeler with no training wheels today! It took a little under 2 hours to teach him. I am SO PROUD of him for staying with it.
We did the "no pedals" way of learning and it really works. I took the pedals off his bike and make sure the seat was low enough for him to reach the ground with his feet and let him coast down our driveway about 10 or 15 times until he could do it without putting his feet down. Once that happened, I put the pedals back on and he did the same thing a few times, then we went riding around the road right in front of the house and I explained road rules, etc.
I'm just really really proud of him. He did such a great job listening, concentrating and doing what I asked of him!
Here are some pics:
We did the "no pedals" way of learning and it really works. I took the pedals off his bike and make sure the seat was low enough for him to reach the ground with his feet and let him coast down our driveway about 10 or 15 times until he could do it without putting his feet down. Once that happened, I put the pedals back on and he did the same thing a few times, then we went riding around the road right in front of the house and I explained road rules, etc.
I'm just really really proud of him. He did such a great job listening, concentrating and doing what I asked of him!
Here are some pics:
I want to be able to say this....
...so I'm gonna go out and get me $50K of plastic surgery (maybe more?), then I can get on The Bike Snob's blog too! Oh joy!
Click me now...you cannot deny the compulsion to click.
/sarcasm
Click me now...you cannot deny the compulsion to click.
/sarcasm
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Yay for getting stronger!
I went to the gym today and rode 4.4 miles on the Expresso bike. It was pretty easy once I got my big ass in gear. After I did that, I walked around the track a few times, then decided to try out the elliptical machine. I shocked the shit out of myself! Last time I did it, which was probably 5 or 6 months ago, I was at 4 or 5 on incline and 4 or 5 on resistance. Today, I hopped on and STARTED at 5 incline and 6 resistance! And I was almost at a running pace. Granted, I didn't do it long - 10 minutes and went almost a mile - but the fact that I DID IT at all is what amazes me...and that I wasn't about to keel over...good times...:)
Anyway, I feel sort of good tonight, so I thought I'd share my accomplishment with my 3 readers. :D
Say it with me: "GO FAT CHICK BIKER!!"
Anyway, I feel sort of good tonight, so I thought I'd share my accomplishment with my 3 readers. :D
Say it with me: "GO FAT CHICK BIKER!!"
Winter Wearing
What do you wear in the winter to bike in?
The lowest temp I've biked in is right at 40 but felt colder. I had on my biking shorts, thin cotton leggings and my cotton capris; sports bra, thin long sleeve cotton shirt, thicker long sleeve cotton shirt and sweat jacket.
I've also worn thigh high tights under my capris along with my biking shorts and a couple layers of shirts under the jacket and that worked nicely too.
My newest acquisition is a pair of capri tights to wear under my pants/over my shorts. Now just have to find stuff to keep the footsies warm.
Oh! And what do YOU wear on your hands? Lidarman wrote this fantastic blog entry about the gloves he's tried for cold weather riding. Go read it!
The lowest temp I've biked in is right at 40 but felt colder. I had on my biking shorts, thin cotton leggings and my cotton capris; sports bra, thin long sleeve cotton shirt, thicker long sleeve cotton shirt and sweat jacket.
I've also worn thigh high tights under my capris along with my biking shorts and a couple layers of shirts under the jacket and that worked nicely too.
My newest acquisition is a pair of capri tights to wear under my pants/over my shorts. Now just have to find stuff to keep the footsies warm.
Oh! And what do YOU wear on your hands? Lidarman wrote this fantastic blog entry about the gloves he's tried for cold weather riding. Go read it!
How many?
How many bikes do you have and why do you have each of them? I'm curious...definitely not going out to buy a new bike!!
I just have my one - GT Avalanche 3.0 Disc. Name of Gustav. No "after market" components on him. I did try some Forte Campus pedals on him, but I really disliked them. I bought some metal pedals the other day b/c I put the plastic ones back on, but since I wear cleats on my shoes b/c I ride indoors and clip in (and don't remove them for outdoor riding), the pedals are getting destroyed. I need to get a pedal wrench though...or borrow one. I'm sure one of my bikin' buddies has one I can use.
I just have my one - GT Avalanche 3.0 Disc. Name of Gustav. No "after market" components on him. I did try some Forte Campus pedals on him, but I really disliked them. I bought some metal pedals the other day b/c I put the plastic ones back on, but since I wear cleats on my shoes b/c I ride indoors and clip in (and don't remove them for outdoor riding), the pedals are getting destroyed. I need to get a pedal wrench though...or borrow one. I'm sure one of my bikin' buddies has one I can use.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Things I'm Looking Forward To!
I'm looking forward to this coming weekend and next week. Why? Because:
1. my friend Daniel is coming to visit me again! This is cool because Daniel lives way up in Northern Canada...so it's special when I get to see him since it's so far away.
2. there is a Bikin' Broads Mountain Bike Clinic this weekend! I'm so looking forward to this - lots of things I want to work on, but mainly working on getting over this fear I seem to have developed. I'd like to talk to other women and see how they view this sport.
3. since Daniel is going to be here, he's going to help us out with the Bikin' Broads clinic by photographing us! I'll be otherwise engaged, so Daniel has kindly agreed to help us out with taking pictures.
4. I'm hoping to meet another person who shoots and get the 3 of us together to shoot while Daniel is here, but I'm not sure it's going to work out. If it does, it will be a blast!
5. Some of you will think I'm a horrible mother, but think what you will...my older son goes back to school on Monday! Woohoo!!! A month of being tracked out...oy.
6. RIDING!!! Next week!!! While the kids are in school!!!
7. Daniel and I have an appt with a friend of mine to shoot her on Monday if our other thing doesn't work out.
8. RIDING!!! Next week!!! While the kids are in school!!!
1. my friend Daniel is coming to visit me again! This is cool because Daniel lives way up in Northern Canada...so it's special when I get to see him since it's so far away.
2. there is a Bikin' Broads Mountain Bike Clinic this weekend! I'm so looking forward to this - lots of things I want to work on, but mainly working on getting over this fear I seem to have developed. I'd like to talk to other women and see how they view this sport.
3. since Daniel is going to be here, he's going to help us out with the Bikin' Broads clinic by photographing us! I'll be otherwise engaged, so Daniel has kindly agreed to help us out with taking pictures.
4. I'm hoping to meet another person who shoots and get the 3 of us together to shoot while Daniel is here, but I'm not sure it's going to work out. If it does, it will be a blast!
5. Some of you will think I'm a horrible mother, but think what you will...my older son goes back to school on Monday! Woohoo!!! A month of being tracked out...oy.
6. RIDING!!! Next week!!! While the kids are in school!!!
7. Daniel and I have an appt with a friend of mine to shoot her on Monday if our other thing doesn't work out.
8. RIDING!!! Next week!!! While the kids are in school!!!
Of Training Wheels and Other Things
Today. TODAY. TODAY is the day I will teach my 7 year old to ride his brand new 2 wheeler. I hope. He has been riding on a 16" wheel bike, which was definitely getting too small. So Grandma and Grandpa put out for a new bike for Chanuka...which is 3 weeks away...and hubs and I went out with 7 yr old and bought it from Target this past weekend.
Ok...yes...it's junk-ish, but for what he'll use it for, it's ok. I can't even remember the brand name. I want to see if he'll get into mountain biking and start riding the easy trails with me before we get him a "good" bike. I mean, there's nothing wrong with this bike for a 55 pound 7 yr old kid, so we'll see how he does.
ETA: Not today - too windy and he and I are having Mommy/Kid time and going to see Kung Fu Panda at the dollar fifty movie in a bit. I have a few pics to edit, then we're out!
Ok...yes...it's junk-ish, but for what he'll use it for, it's ok. I can't even remember the brand name. I want to see if he'll get into mountain biking and start riding the easy trails with me before we get him a "good" bike. I mean, there's nothing wrong with this bike for a 55 pound 7 yr old kid, so we'll see how he does.
ETA: Not today - too windy and he and I are having Mommy/Kid time and going to see Kung Fu Panda at the dollar fifty movie in a bit. I have a few pics to edit, then we're out!
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